Lost

The third Sunday of the month is Birthday Sunday with my in-laws.  We get together, enjoy dinner and catch up on what is going on with everyone. Those celebrating birthdays get to blow out candles on cake, cupcakes, or some other dessert.  My children love Birthday Sunday.    

Today, there was so much sugar to be had, that our youngest (who, although she and I didn't go to church today because she's had a nasty cough, did not take a nap) was SO wound up.  Matt was tickling her on the way home and she laughed a deep laugh from her gut.  It was so cute, but you could really tell that she was beyond tired.

After we got home, the kiddos all got their pajamas on and I tucked them into bed.  I walked, in the dark, down the hallway and around the corner into my room.  The thought came to me that in the last four plus years, I've walked down this hall thousands of times.  How much longer will I be able to call this house my home?  How is everything going to come together for us to move to a neighboring state?  I feel overwhelmed and lost.  My faith is slipping.  It's so easy just to say "If it's meant to be, it'll work out" but to really believe it is another thing all together.  I am having a difficult time living in the present.  One foot is in the past, the other in the future.  Leaving my family, and the state where I grew up was never in my plans.  When Matt and I bought our house, I thought we'd be here until our children graduated from high school.  We brought our last baby home from the hospital here.  

With each little hiccup in our plans, I begin to doubt our decision to move.  Thank goodness Matt is steady and confident.  He really deserves a change and to be able to move up to bigger and better things.  

 

The ''G" Family

As an amateur photographer, there is nothing that makes me happier than photographing families; that's my love and passion.  I believe that every family should be able to have their photograph taken without it costing an arm and a leg.  I realize that I'm not the greatest photographer out there, not even close.  I know I don't fit everyone's style and that is okay.   But I must fit this family okay because this was the 4th time I've been able to do their pictures and I just love being able to spend time with this beautiful family. "The Mom" of this family is a wonderful person and I am happy to call her my friend.  As I finished this session, their youngest daughter came up to me and gave me a great big hug and said "Come to my birthday!"  I felt so honored that she'd say that and be that comfortable with me.  It really made my day. 

Conference Weekend

I so enjoyed Conference weekend, but it really wore me out.
 Saturday, we began by cleaning out our garage in preparation for our impending move (which, by the way, may or may not be official... I know.   It stinks.  We should know more by the middle of November).  So we organized, boxed and cleaned things up so that when we do move, we just have to move the things from the garage into the moving truck.  

The second session was a bit more relaxing, and we were better able to listen to the Lord's leaders and feel of the spirit.   That night, I got to spend a rare night out with most of my sisters, one of my cousins, a niece, and my mom. We'd planned on going to the Olive Garden, but with every woman in Utah County out on a girl's night, the wait was over an hour.  So we went to Mimi's Cafe where there really wasn't a wait at all.  Awesome.  We talked, laughed, and really just had a good time.  So much in fact that when dinner was through and we headed back to my parents house, I just didn't want to leave.  So, we talked and laughed some more.  One of the funniest moments was when my mom said "Gee!"  That may not seem funny to you, but growing up, slang like that just wasn't allowed in our house.  Saying gosh, darn, goll, gee, holy cow, etc., etc., just wasn't allowed. So I thought it was was pretty amusing.
I did eventually go home and went to bed.  The next morning I got up to make cinnamon rolls because my family was coming over for breakfast and to watch the morning session of conference.

I'd made the dough the day before, but it always takes longer than I think it will to roll and cut all the rolls- I made about 70 of them. Along with the rolls, I made a spinach mushroom frittata with swiss cheese and bacon especially for my dad because he has diabetes and those cinnamon rolls were forbidden.  My brother Brady brought sausage and made yummy cheesy hash browns.  My parents brought fruit and my sister, KayKay brought milk, chocolate milk, and orange juice.  It really was quite the spread, and so delicious.

After the morning session was over, everyone left.  Our house was quiet and my children were bored having no aunts or uncles around to play with them.  I laid Sadie down for a nap, and let the other children play quietly while I listened to the last session while I got ready for some family pictures in the evening.  General Conference is a time for me to reflect on my life and evaluate what needs to be changed.  Sometimes, I feel uplifted and ready to do more, other times, like this one, I feel chastised and ashamed at my lack of conviction.  But yesterday, along with the feeling of being rebuked, I also felt hope.  I can try harder and do better.  Certainly, I'm not alone, and I'm not an awful human being as my inner-critic would sometimes have me believe.   But there are things to do better, things to change to make me who I was born to be.

At about 4:15, we left the house to meet Matt's family for some family pictures.  We drove about 9 miles up Diamond Fork Canyon to an area that was just beautiful with leaves.  We got a lot of pictures done, but the light faded fast and then it got really cold.  So we didn't last very long.   It was good though to be together with so much family yesterday.